Diary Of A Bed
Release Year: 1979
Cast: Nina Fause, A.S. Spumpin, Rod Shortened
Genres: Feature, Straight, Classic
Video language: English
The premise evokes Diderot’s Les Bijou indiscret: a hoary old brass bed (animated through the device of a post-dubbed male voice) attempts to attract a “lady” mattress by regaling her with tales of the various trespasses that have jangled his aging springs. The first vignette involves the coupling of a Confederate soldier and a woman of ill repute. The pair dutifully performs the requisite sex acts to harpsichord accompaniment and the episode comes to an end when the soldier shoots his wad on the lady’s flank.
The second – and more elaborate – vignette occurs during Prohibition and centers around a young man enthralled with a book of novel sexual positions. In one instance, he attempts to convince his girlfriend to explore an unconventional act, but she refuses and they settle for a good old-fashioned screw. In a subsequent encounter, a sexy French maid enters the young man’s chambers and proceeds to swap oral services with him. After a while, another lady in Twenties regalia slinks into the room and begins to stroke herself while the couple copulates. The domestic soon invites the flapper to join in on the tryst, causing the young man to rush to his manual for advice. The three titillate and tongue each another in a variety of positions to the strains of jazz cues.
The final vignette in the film is narrated by the lady mattress and involves a young couple who make love at a bedding factory during a worker’s lunch break. The two perform the requisite numbers to a bossa nova beat; he finally comes inside of her (the close-up is distressingly phlegm-matic) and they conclude their romp by eating a sandwich. Back to the framing device, the horny headboard finally convinces the mattress to hop on the springs.